Grumpy Grandma - September

Bonjour my Cajun friends, it’s me again, opinionated columnist and general know it all Mrs. Nettie Mae Avec Domino.

Well it’s been a busy month for ole Nettie Mae…

But before I can even give no advice, I got to thank my new best friend, Mr. Dr. Brad and dat  Pinhook Chiropractical. Oh! that man put the touch on me and Poof!!! I could walk again! Sweet Jesus, dat man got the touch [and he’s kinda cute too]!!! But enough about dat.      

Now on with dim letters.  

Dear Mrs. Domino,

How come every time the phone ring my pacemaker speeds up, the kitchen light burns out and the house pops a fuse? I tried to fix it myself, but I can’t. What do I do?

Signed,

Confused in Kaplan  

Mais cher thank you for contacting me about dat. Pas bon, I think you got 2 problems. First, stop waiting by the phone for you beau to call, das gonna make you heart race every time. Next, you gonna have to stop letting you neighbors run their extensions from you house for electricity. All das gonna do is pop dim lights and burn you wires. You better tell you neighbors to get their own generator.  

Ton ami, Nettie Mae.

My next letter say.  

Dear Grumpy,

I’m so mad I could spit fire! I am sick and tired of seeing butts everywhere!

You see, since I retired from the rice mill in 72, I spend almost every day working in my yard. I edge, mow, sweep, trim, blow, bag, mulch… I do everything to keep my yard up!!! But no matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, there they are… BUTTS!  Butts on the ground, butts in the ditch, das all I see is Butts, Butts, Butts!  Mon dieu Nettie mae, them butts is gonna be the death of me! Help!

Signed,

Befuddled on Bruno Rd.

Oh nonc… I know exactly how you feel. Ever since the Marlbro man died I can’t stand to see nobody else’s butt either. Mae you gonna have to put up one of those hidden cameras and watch for who’s doing dat. Then when you catch’em on video, you call do law and tell them you got a litter bug… They gonna come right out.   

Ton ami, Nettie Mae.

Ok y’all, dats all I got time for today, but if you got something to tell me or need sum advice? Get yourself in the inter web and send me a email.   

Au revoir y’all,

Mrs. Nettie Mae Avec Domino

[email protected]

You got to be nice to get nice, cher!